Lenten Journeys – Week 3 – How we Love, Relationships
Let us start with a prayer:
O
my God, I love you above all things, with my whole heart and soul,
because you are all good and worthy of all my love. I love my
neighbor as myself for the love of you. I forgive all who have
injured me and I ask pardon of all whom I have injured.
Amen
Love,
it is an integral part of the human experience. It is a feeling and
yet it is so much more. We use it to describe our favorite foods and
it also describes how we feel about our children. We also use it to
describe our God. Are these all equal things? No! So before we begin
I want to clarify that for this reflection we are talking about agape
love, total self gift to another. The Greeks used several different
terms to describe love. Agape is a love that gives everything to the
other and leaves the self behind. This is what Jesus did for us
through his crucifixion. He gave himself in total self gift to repair
the damage of our sins.
Most
of us experience this type of love with our children and/or our
spouse. Some of us feel this way about our relationship with a few
close friends. But how many of us feel this way about our
relationship with God? How about with our neighbors and co-workers?
How about the mailman or the clerk at Walmart? What about our enemies
and those who think quite differently than we do?
Jesus
offers several teachings about relationships and love in the
scriptures, here are just a few:
...but whoever
would be great among you must be your servant,
and
whoever would be first among you must be your slave;
even
as the son of man came not to be served but to serve,
and
give his life as a ransom for many. Mt 20:26-28
But
I say to you who hear, Love your enemies, do good to
those
who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for
those who abuse you..
If
you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even
sinners love
those who love them. Be
merciful, even as your Father is merciful.
Luke
6: 27,28,32,36
Do
you know what I have done for you? You call me
Teacher and Lord;
and you are right. If I then, your
Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet,
you also
ought to wash one another's feet. Truly, truly, I say
to you, he who receives
any one whom I send receives
me; and he who receives me receives him
who
sent me. John 13:12b-14,20
These
are not easy sayings. I believe I can say accurately that all of us
have failed to live out these teachings. I for one can say that I
truly don't deserve His love if this is what it costs because I can't
live out these teachings. It is only in and through Him that I can
carry out these teachings.
We
live out Christ's teachings in how we treat and act with others. In
seeing the Christ in them and caring for them like they are the only
person on the planet that existed. Our life depends on others.
That
is the heart of my reflection this week so I'll repeat it:
Our
life depends on others, without others we are nothing.
Without
others we can not carry out what Jesus's teaches. Have you ever
thought about it that way? That everyone you meet is a gift from God.
Without them there is no way for you to live out your calling as a
disciple. Your neighbor is a gift to you. Your boss is a gift to you.
Your mother-in-law is a gift to you. Your children are a gift from
God. Your wife is a gift from God. You don't own them, they are not
your possession, but instead they are a gift for you to love and care
for. They are there for your salvation.
Let
me share a recent story from my own life about the power and need for relationships.
I
am a cancer survivor. In January of 2013 I successfully went through
a bone marrow transplant and have remained cancer free since. Praise
be to God! But there are many ongoing complications post transplant.
After a bone marrow transplant, your body will sometimes reject the
new cells. In my case, my body is the same cells but I now have my
sisters immune system in me. When the body reacts to these cells as
foreign there is a reaction. Doctors call this Graft vs. Host Disease
(GVHD). In some cases it's a mild irritation, for others it leads to
further complications and sometimes death. Each body reacts
differently and the direct cause of rejection is unknown. I have
chronic GVHD. It is ongoing and could last a long time. Some times
the medications keep it under control and other times it rages out of
control.
The
week before lent started the GVHD acted up again. This time it was
effecting my eyes. Severe dry eyes is one of the most common effects
of GVHD. It was a Tuesday and I had a long day at work. That night I
had a ministry formation class to attend in Aurora, IL. About 25
miles from my home. I went to class and soon was having trouble with
my eyes. I had not brought any eye drops with me. I hoped that it
would go away but as the night wore on it was getting worse. I knew
it was getting worse but I stayed at class and thought I would be OK.
When
class got out at 9:30 pm I was having trouble keeping my eyes open. I
was blinking every second or two and the only relief I got was when I
closed my eyes. Not a good idea to get behind the wheel of my 18' box
truck, but that's just what I did. I should have asked a classmate
for help but I was too stubborn and thought I could do it. Walgreens
was a block away and they had eye drops. If I could just get there
and buy some I would be OK and then drive home. God protected me and
I got to the drug store safely, but the eyes were getting worse fast.
I could hardly see. Walking through the aisles I couldn't find the
eye care section. I remember asking the pharmacist where the eye
drops were. I was blinking constantly or keeping my eyes closed. It
took about 5 minutes to sort through the endless packages and find
the right eye drops. I found my way to the counter and asked the girl
to scan my credit card for me because I really couldn't keep my eyes
open.
The
pain was increasing and closing my eyes tight was the only comfort I
received and it was only a slight comfort. As I exited the store the
harsh cold (it was below 0 that night) blew in my face and that was
it. My right eye closed shut and I couldn't open it. The left was so
blurry I could only see about 5 feet. I slowly made my way to the
truck and felt my way into the drivers seat with eyes closed. I was
terrified and frozen. The keys were in my pocket and I started the
truck for some warmth. I couldn't see a thing.
I
fumbled through the bag and got the box of eye drops out. I couldn't
get my eyes open enough to put the drops in. As drops fell on my
checks and my nose I realized this wasn't going to work. I was alone
and scared and blind. I paused and took a breath. The first thing to
do was pray. There was no way I was going to drive home that night. I
don't mean to sound over dramatic but it was a frightening experience
I will never forget it. I sat there in the blackness. Time seemed to
stand still.
I
was frozen in time and frozen in my bones. The last phone call I had
made on my phone was to my wife Holly. If I could just open my eye
enough to see the screen and redial the last call. I felt around in
my book bag and found my phone. I opened my left eye and couldn't see
the screen, it was all a blur. After a couple of winks and another
prayer I tried again and made out enough to call Holly. What a relief
when she answered. An instant feeling of peace came over me. She
would be able to help me. After explaining what was going on she
sprung into action. Soon my sister had been called and arrived on the
scene to help. Then a good friend came and drove the truck away. I
stayed with my sister until Holly came and drove me home. It was
after midnight and I still couldn't open my right eye.
Thank
God my eye did stay closed. It is the bodies way to save the eye from
permanent damage due to lack of moisture. I didn't go to work for 2
days and was putting drops in my eyes every 10 – 15 minutes just to
be able to partially see. A neighbor helped when I went back to work
and he drove the truck for me while I went into the stores and did my
job. It took about a week till I could keep my eyes open without
blinking every couple of seconds. I walked around with a strained
look on my face for at least a week because my eyes wouldn't open
properly. I had to stay away from computer screens and bright lights
for about 10 days.
I've
since seen a specialist and we are working on trying to work through
the eye dryness. I will have dry eyes for the rest of my life says
the doctor. We will continue to work with it and figure out what
brings the most relief but I will always have some vision problems
and will just need to get used to it. Why do I tell this story? My
relationships with others saved me that night. When I sat in my truck
blind that night I couldn't do a thing. When you've relied on your
sight all your life and it's suddenly gone it is a scary thing. If I
didn't have my relationships I'm not sure what I would of done. But
when things were tough and I was in need I fell back on those
relationships to help me. Each one of those people that helped that
night saved me in my distress. I can't thank them enough. Everything
seemed to be gone in those hours I couldn't see. My skills and
talents, my own strength and intelligence were of very little value
to me without others to help me.
Our
relationships are who we are. They are really what define us. We are
best defined by our love and who loves us. Without relationships your
gifts, talents, and money are useless. Even if you are the greatest
singer in the world what good is it unless there is someone to listen
to you? If you have no relationships your money has no value because
it's value comes in its exchange, and you'd have no one to exchange
it with.
Think
hard of all the important things in your life, they are there through
relationship. You are a spouse because of a relationship. You have a
college degree because someone else found you worthy of it. You have
a job only because of your relationships, even if self employed like
me you don't have any work unless someone else wants what you got.
You are a father/mother because of your relationship with your kids.
You are a Christian because of a relationship with Jesus Christ. You
are alive because of a relationship with God the father and creator
of all. Our relationships are who we are.
This
all probably sounds a little odd to some of you, but I believe that
God allowed me to have that experience of blindness so that I could
really see what was important. And I want to share that with you so
that if you are blind in yourself you can realize that life is
relationship with others. If you are alive and reading this you have
time to build your relationships. Don't wait. Don't put it off till
tomorrow. Tell someone today how important they are to you. Smile at
someone. Stop and listen for their answer when you ask someone how
their day is going. Don't just walk through life blind, open up your
heart and your eyes and see the beautiful gifts that God has put in
your life, namely other people.
And
don't forget about God. Tell him you love him. Tell him you need him.
Tell him how important he is to you. Who knows maybe after awhile
you'll even convince yourself that what you are praying is really
true. I know it took me years of praying to really believe that what
I was praying was true. I was so blessed that night that the Holy
Spirit came to me in my darkness and fear and breathed life into me
and I prayed. By his grace it was my first reaction in the difficult
moment. As I sat in darkness and prayed I gained enough of my senses
to call out for help, and through my relationships I was saved.
Well
that's probably enough for this blog but lets take a few moments and
look at some ideas to build our relationships through our Lenten
practices of prayer, fasting, and giving alms.
Prayer
This
week I will suggest 2 different prayer paths. Both are easy and yet
very powerful if followed through. Many of you may already do these
things but I offer them as suggestions. Take the time and go deeper.
Jesus is calling out and wants a deeper relationship with you. All it
takes is your time. He gave his life for you, can you give him a
little time this week?
The
first suggestion for this week is private scriptural reflection. Grab
your favorite bible. Find a quiet room and ask your family for some
private time to talk to the Lord. Let them know what you are doing
and ask them to respect your private time with God. Your witness to
your family will be a strong one.
Open
your bible to any passage in the Gospel of Mathew. Read a paragraph
or 2. Guess what? There is a relationship in that story. Think about
each person in the story. Think about how they relate to each other
and how they relate to Jesus. Now sit in silence for a moment.
Reread
the story, this time more slowly and out loud. Which relationship is
calling out to you? Which character is the one you feel closest too?
How does that person relate to you and your life? Can you relate to
their situation? Focus and think about the relationships in the text,
try not to let your mind wander too much.
Now
comes the hard part, sit in silence for awhile. A long while. Ask
Jesus to speak to you about your relationship with him and sit and
listen for an answer. It may not come right away so give it some
time. If you are sincere and really want to know what Jesus thinks
will help build your relationship with him, chances are he will let
you know, just give him enough time to give you an answer. I know he
wants a stronger relationship with you, but do you want a deeper
relationship with him? He's waiting for you, will you give him the
time?
My
second suggestion is to pray the stations of the cross. This is
probably my personal favorite prayer exercise of all of them I've
tried. Sometimes I am deeply pained by the thought of the nails and
the cross, sometimes touched by the sincerity and love expressed by
Jesus's mother or the tenderness of Veronica who wiped away Christ's
tears and blood. Another time I might be caught up in my own
sinfulness and the ultimate sacrifice made by God. Each time through
the stations is different. Pray them by yourself or with a group.
They can be easily found by search engine or in small booklets found
at religious book stores. Most parishes pray through the stations on
Fridays during lent, and even if they don't just walk into any
Catholic Church and they should be easy enough to find on the walls
or in the windows. You don't even need a book, just meditate on the
images and pray some kind of prayer at each station.
In
the standard stations there are 14 stopping points. Not all of them
come from scriptures as some are from the apostolic tradition handed
down to us through the early bishops of the church. The stations are
an ancient prayer that goes back to the earliest days of
Christianity. If you are looking for a scriptural stations I have
found one that is very good. It is published from Liguori and is
written by Robert B. Heath. It's title is 'A Scriptural Way of the
Cross'. It is a little different than the traditional Catholic
stations but is based solely on the scriptures and still has 14
stations.
Also
of note is that most walks through the stations also have a fifteenth
station which is the resurrection of Christ. During Lent it is
typical to end at the fourteenth station as we are symbolically
waiting till Easter for his resurrection.
Alms
Giving
Alms giving, like prayer, is all about relationship.
Many of us think of alms giving as just donating money and/or goods
to the poor. And while that is the heart of alms giving, let's take
it a step further and give our resources with love and a genuine
concern for the poor.
My suggestion is to give and pray for those you
are giving too. Also, whenever possible, do so in person. This could
be donating used clothes for a local clothing drive and then offering
to volunteer your time and help with the drive. It could be a
donation to a local pregnancy care center but instead of mailing the
envelope drop it off in person and talk with the volunteers. Ask them
if they have any special needs and how you could help them. I know
several people who have picked up a stranger or beggar and bought
them a meal at a local restaurant or given them a ride somewhere. The
stories they tell about the conversations they had are amazing. These
are real people with real troubles just like us.
These can all be life changing moments not only for you
but for those you reach out to in relationship as well. Remember
Christ stopped and gave 100% of himself to everyone he met. He was a
busy guy but always made time if asked. And he is still available
24/7 for any needs you may have. Are we available 24/7 to stop and
see Jesus in the poor and give them a little of our time?
Fasting
How can fasting be about relationships? It's just
something I do as a sacrifice. It has nothing to do with others?
Stop and think again my brother/sister in Christ. You
are a part of the Body of Christ. We are all linked together in a
divine supernatural way. We are linked together through time and
space and everything you do has a ripple effect through the entire
body. If you take the time and sacrifice a little time to do one of
the above suggestions think of the others that will be effected by
your decision. Also take a moment to think what would happen if you
didn't do anything this week in lent and time just slipped away. What
ripple effects could that have?
The next time you pass a person with a sign 'will work
for food', stop and think about the ripple effect of not helping that
individual or family. The next time the pastor asks for a special
collection at church and the basket is being passed around think
about the person on the other side and the effect your action or
inaction will have in their life.
Fasting is all about sacrificing our self and giving to
the other in a special way. Your fasting or lack of fasting does
change things for you and for me.
This week don't just fast for yourself, offer up your
fast for someone in need. When you get out of bed each day say a
quick prayer and let God know that today you are fasting from _____ ,
for your Uncle Joe who is recovering from heart surgery. Maybe the
next day offer up your sacrifice for the homeless in your own
community. Another day offer up your fast for someone in the
Philippines or for a person who knows someone on the missing
Malaysian airliner. Each day spend a minute or two in prayer and
offer up your fast for someone else in need. It will help you to
persevere through the difficult times of temptation if you have a
concrete idea of someone you are sacrificing for.
Don't selfishly keep your fast for yourself alone, offer
it up for someone else. You are a special part of the Body of Christ.
How you live your life this week will have a ripple effect across
space and time. Your actions or inaction do matter. Make a
difference. You probably won't change the world in a day but a ripple
in the pond will eventually move through the whole body of water.
Closing
I'll
need to work a little harder next week to keep the word count down.
This is probably to many words to be called a blog and more
approaching a small boo,.but I thank you for giving me a little extra
time this week to tell a personal story. Please do something this
week to build the relationships in your life. A little word or action
can change a day and even a life.
Let
us pray:
Lord
God, healer and teacher, my strength and my hope,
I
hear you calling out to me and I want to come to you and
learn
from you. I want to come to you and be filled up with
all
I need. Please embrace me in your merciful heart and
help
me to grow in love with you and all your gifts to me,
my
brothers and sisters in my hometown and the whole world.
Help
me to always look for and see you in all people.
You
died so I could live, help me live abundantly and allow
your
love to ripple through me and into the world.
Amen
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