Lenten Journeys – Week 3 – How we Love, Relationships

Let us start with a prayer:

O my God, I love you above all things, with my whole heart and soul, because you are all good and worthy of all my love. I love my neighbor as myself for the love of you. I forgive all who have injured me and I ask pardon of all whom I have injured.

Amen

Love, it is an integral part of the human experience. It is a feeling and yet it is so much more. We use it to describe our favorite foods and it also describes how we feel about our children. We also use it to describe our God. Are these all equal things? No! So before we begin I want to clarify that for this reflection we are talking about agape love, total self gift to another. The Greeks used several different terms to describe love. Agape is a love that gives everything to the other and leaves the self behind. This is what Jesus did for us through his crucifixion. He gave himself in total self gift to repair the damage of our sins.

Most of us experience this type of love with our children and/or our spouse. Some of us feel this way about our relationship with a few close friends. But how many of us feel this way about our relationship with God? How about with our neighbors and co-workers? How about the mailman or the clerk at Walmart? What about our enemies and those who think quite differently than we do?

Jesus offers several teachings about relationships and love in the scriptures, here are just a few:

...but whoever would be great among you must be your servant,

and whoever would be first among you must be your slave;

even as the son of man came not to be served but to serve,

and give his life as a ransom for many.    Mt 20:26-28

But I say to you who hear, Love your enemies, do good to

those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse you..

If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners love

 those who love them. Be merciful, even as your Father is merciful.

Luke 6: 27,28,32,36

Do you know what I have done for you? You call me Teacher and Lord; 

and you are right. If I then, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, 

you also ought to wash one another's feet. Truly, truly, I say to you, he who receives

 any one whom I send receives me; and he who receives me receives him

who sent me.    John 13:12b-14,20

These are not easy sayings. I believe I can say accurately that all of us have failed to live out these teachings. I for one can say that I truly don't deserve His love if this is what it costs because I can't live out these teachings. It is only in and through Him that I can carry out these teachings.

We live out Christ's teachings in how we treat and act with others. In seeing the Christ in them and caring for them like they are the only person on the planet that existed. Our life depends on others.

That is the heart of my reflection this week so I'll repeat it:

Our life depends on others, without others we are nothing.

Without others we can not carry out what Jesus's teaches. Have you ever thought about it that way? That everyone you meet is a gift from God. Without them there is no way for you to live out your calling as a disciple. Your neighbor is a gift to you. Your boss is a gift to you. Your mother-in-law is a gift to you. Your children are a gift from God. Your wife is a gift from God. You don't own them, they are not your possession, but instead they are a gift for you to love and care for. They are there for your salvation.

Let me share a recent story from my own life about the power and need for relationships.

I am a cancer survivor. In January of 2013 I successfully went through a bone marrow transplant and have remained cancer free since. Praise be to God! But there are many ongoing complications post transplant. After a bone marrow transplant, your body will sometimes reject the new cells. In my case, my body is the same cells but I now have my sisters immune system in me. When the body reacts to these cells as foreign there is a reaction. Doctors call this Graft vs. Host Disease (GVHD). In some cases it's a mild irritation, for others it leads to further complications and sometimes death. Each body reacts differently and the direct cause of rejection is unknown. I have chronic GVHD. It is ongoing and could last a long time. Some times the medications keep it under control and other times it rages out of control.

The week before lent started the GVHD acted up again. This time it was effecting my eyes. Severe dry eyes is one of the most common effects of GVHD. It was a Tuesday and I had a long day at work. That night I had a ministry formation class to attend in Aurora, IL. About 25 miles from my home. I went to class and soon was having trouble with my eyes. I had not brought any eye drops with me. I hoped that it would go away but as the night wore on it was getting worse. I knew it was getting worse but I stayed at class and thought I would be OK.

When class got out at 9:30 pm I was having trouble keeping my eyes open. I was blinking every second or two and the only relief I got was when I closed my eyes. Not a good idea to get behind the wheel of my 18' box truck, but that's just what I did. I should have asked a classmate for help but I was too stubborn and thought I could do it. Walgreens was a block away and they had eye drops. If I could just get there and buy some I would be OK and then drive home. God protected me and I got to the drug store safely, but the eyes were getting worse fast. I could hardly see. Walking through the aisles I couldn't find the eye care section. I remember asking the pharmacist where the eye drops were. I was blinking constantly or keeping my eyes closed. It took about 5 minutes to sort through the endless packages and find the right eye drops. I found my way to the counter and asked the girl to scan my credit card for me because I really couldn't keep my eyes open.

The pain was increasing and closing my eyes tight was the only comfort I received and it was only a slight comfort. As I exited the store the harsh cold (it was below 0 that night) blew in my face and that was it. My right eye closed shut and I couldn't open it. The left was so blurry I could only see about 5 feet. I slowly made my way to the truck and felt my way into the drivers seat with eyes closed. I was terrified and frozen. The keys were in my pocket and I started the truck for some warmth. I couldn't see a thing.

I fumbled through the bag and got the box of eye drops out. I couldn't get my eyes open enough to put the drops in. As drops fell on my checks and my nose I realized this wasn't going to work. I was alone and scared and blind. I paused and took a breath. The first thing to do was pray. There was no way I was going to drive home that night. I don't mean to sound over dramatic but it was a frightening experience I will never forget it. I sat there in the blackness. Time seemed to stand still.

I was frozen in time and frozen in my bones. The last phone call I had made on my phone was to my wife Holly. If I could just open my eye enough to see the screen and redial the last call. I felt around in my book bag and found my phone. I opened my left eye and couldn't see the screen, it was all a blur. After a couple of winks and another prayer I tried again and made out enough to call Holly. What a relief when she answered. An instant feeling of peace came over me. She would be able to help me. After explaining what was going on she sprung into action. Soon my sister had been called and arrived on the scene to help. Then a good friend came and drove the truck away. I stayed with my sister until Holly came and drove me home. It was after midnight and I still couldn't open my right eye.

Thank God my eye did stay closed. It is the bodies way to save the eye from permanent damage due to lack of moisture. I didn't go to work for 2 days and was putting drops in my eyes every 10 – 15 minutes just to be able to partially see. A neighbor helped when I went back to work and he drove the truck for me while I went into the stores and did my job. It took about a week till I could keep my eyes open without blinking every couple of seconds. I walked around with a strained look on my face for at least a week because my eyes wouldn't open properly. I had to stay away from computer screens and bright lights for about 10 days.

I've since seen a specialist and we are working on trying to work through the eye dryness. I will have dry eyes for the rest of my life says the doctor. We will continue to work with it and figure out what brings the most relief but I will always have some vision problems and will just need to get used to it. Why do I tell this story? My relationships with others saved me that night. When I sat in my truck blind that night I couldn't do a thing. When you've relied on your sight all your life and it's suddenly gone it is a scary thing. If I didn't have my relationships I'm not sure what I would of done. But when things were tough and I was in need I fell back on those relationships to help me. Each one of those people that helped that night saved me in my distress. I can't thank them enough. Everything seemed to be gone in those hours I couldn't see. My skills and talents, my own strength and intelligence were of very little value to me without others to help me.

Our relationships are who we are. They are really what define us. We are best defined by our love and who loves us. Without relationships your gifts, talents, and money are useless. Even if you are the greatest singer in the world what good is it unless there is someone to listen to you? If you have no relationships your money has no value because it's value comes in its exchange, and you'd have no one to exchange it with.

Think hard of all the important things in your life, they are there through relationship. You are a spouse because of a relationship. You have a college degree because someone else found you worthy of it. You have a job only because of your relationships, even if self employed like me you don't have any work unless someone else wants what you got. You are a father/mother because of your relationship with your kids. You are a Christian because of a relationship with Jesus Christ. You are alive because of a relationship with God the father and creator of all. Our relationships are who we are.

This all probably sounds a little odd to some of you, but I believe that God allowed me to have that experience of blindness so that I could really see what was important. And I want to share that with you so that if you are blind in yourself you can realize that life is relationship with others. If you are alive and reading this you have time to build your relationships. Don't wait. Don't put it off till tomorrow. Tell someone today how important they are to you. Smile at someone. Stop and listen for their answer when you ask someone how their day is going. Don't just walk through life blind, open up your heart and your eyes and see the beautiful gifts that God has put in your life, namely other people.

And don't forget about God. Tell him you love him. Tell him you need him. Tell him how important he is to you. Who knows maybe after awhile you'll even convince yourself that what you are praying is really true. I know it took me years of praying to really believe that what I was praying was true. I was so blessed that night that the Holy Spirit came to me in my darkness and fear and breathed life into me and I prayed. By his grace it was my first reaction in the difficult moment. As I sat in darkness and prayed I gained enough of my senses to call out for help, and through my relationships I was saved.

Well that's probably enough for this blog but lets take a few moments and look at some ideas to build our relationships through our Lenten practices of prayer, fasting, and giving alms.

Prayer

This week I will suggest 2 different prayer paths. Both are easy and yet very powerful if followed through. Many of you may already do these things but I offer them as suggestions. Take the time and go deeper. Jesus is calling out and wants a deeper relationship with you. All it takes is your time. He gave his life for you, can you give him a little time this week?

The first suggestion for this week is private scriptural reflection. Grab your favorite bible. Find a quiet room and ask your family for some private time to talk to the Lord. Let them know what you are doing and ask them to respect your private time with God. Your witness to your family will be a strong one.

Open your bible to any passage in the Gospel of Mathew. Read a paragraph or 2. Guess what? There is a relationship in that story. Think about each person in the story. Think about how they relate to each other and how they relate to Jesus. Now sit in silence for a moment.

Reread the story, this time more slowly and out loud. Which relationship is calling out to you? Which character is the one you feel closest too? How does that person relate to you and your life? Can you relate to their situation? Focus and think about the relationships in the text, try not to let your mind wander too much.

Now comes the hard part, sit in silence for awhile. A long while. Ask Jesus to speak to you about your relationship with him and sit and listen for an answer. It may not come right away so give it some time. If you are sincere and really want to know what Jesus thinks will help build your relationship with him, chances are he will let you know, just give him enough time to give you an answer. I know he wants a stronger relationship with you, but do you want a deeper relationship with him? He's waiting for you, will you give him the time?

My second suggestion is to pray the stations of the cross. This is probably my personal favorite prayer exercise of all of them I've tried. Sometimes I am deeply pained by the thought of the nails and the cross, sometimes touched by the sincerity and love expressed by Jesus's mother or the tenderness of Veronica who wiped away Christ's tears and blood. Another time I might be caught up in my own sinfulness and the ultimate sacrifice made by God. Each time through the stations is different. Pray them by yourself or with a group. They can be easily found by search engine or in small booklets found at religious book stores. Most parishes pray through the stations on Fridays during lent, and even if they don't just walk into any Catholic Church and they should be easy enough to find on the walls or in the windows. You don't even need a book, just meditate on the images and pray some kind of prayer at each station.

In the standard stations there are 14 stopping points. Not all of them come from scriptures as some are from the apostolic tradition handed down to us through the early bishops of the church. The stations are an ancient prayer that goes back to the earliest days of Christianity. If you are looking for a scriptural stations I have found one that is very good. It is published from Liguori and is written by Robert B. Heath. It's title is 'A Scriptural Way of the Cross'. It is a little different than the traditional Catholic stations but is based solely on the scriptures and still has 14 stations.

Also of note is that most walks through the stations also have a fifteenth station which is the resurrection of Christ. During Lent it is typical to end at the fourteenth station as we are symbolically waiting till Easter for his resurrection.

Alms Giving

Alms giving, like prayer, is all about relationship. Many of us think of alms giving as just donating money and/or goods to the poor. And while that is the heart of alms giving, let's take it a step further and give our resources with love and a genuine concern for the poor.

My suggestion is to give and pray for those you are giving too. Also, whenever possible, do so in person. This could be donating used clothes for a local clothing drive and then offering to volunteer your time and help with the drive. It could be a donation to a local pregnancy care center but instead of mailing the envelope drop it off in person and talk with the volunteers. Ask them if they have any special needs and how you could help them. I know several people who have picked up a stranger or beggar and bought them a meal at a local restaurant or given them a ride somewhere. The stories they tell about the conversations they had are amazing. These are real people with real troubles just like us.

These can all be life changing moments not only for you but for those you reach out to in relationship as well. Remember Christ stopped and gave 100% of himself to everyone he met. He was a busy guy but always made time if asked. And he is still available 24/7 for any needs you may have. Are we available 24/7 to stop and see Jesus in the poor and give them a little of our time?

Fasting

How can fasting be about relationships? It's just something I do as a sacrifice. It has nothing to do with others?

Stop and think again my brother/sister in Christ. You are a part of the Body of Christ. We are all linked together in a divine supernatural way. We are linked together through time and space and everything you do has a ripple effect through the entire body. If you take the time and sacrifice a little time to do one of the above suggestions think of the others that will be effected by your decision. Also take a moment to think what would happen if you didn't do anything this week in lent and time just slipped away. What ripple effects could that have?

The next time you pass a person with a sign 'will work for food', stop and think about the ripple effect of not helping that individual or family. The next time the pastor asks for a special collection at church and the basket is being passed around think about the person on the other side and the effect your action or inaction will have in their life.

Fasting is all about sacrificing our self and giving to the other in a special way. Your fasting or lack of fasting does change things for you and for me.

This week don't just fast for yourself, offer up your fast for someone in need. When you get out of bed each day say a quick prayer and let God know that today you are fasting from _____ , for your Uncle Joe who is recovering from heart surgery. Maybe the next day offer up your sacrifice for the homeless in your own community. Another day offer up your fast for someone in the Philippines or for a person who knows someone on the missing Malaysian airliner. Each day spend a minute or two in prayer and offer up your fast for someone else in need. It will help you to persevere through the difficult times of temptation if you have a concrete idea of someone you are sacrificing for.

Don't selfishly keep your fast for yourself alone, offer it up for someone else. You are a special part of the Body of Christ. How you live your life this week will have a ripple effect across space and time. Your actions or inaction do matter. Make a difference. You probably won't change the world in a day but a ripple in the pond will eventually move through the whole body of water.

Closing

I'll need to work a little harder next week to keep the word count down. This is probably to many words to be called a blog and more approaching a small boo,.but I thank you for giving me a little extra time this week to tell a personal story. Please do something this week to build the relationships in your life. A little word or action can change a day and even a life.

Let us pray:

Lord God, healer and teacher, my strength and my hope,

I hear you calling out to me and I want to come to you and

learn from you. I want to come to you and be filled up with

all I need. Please embrace me in your merciful heart and

help me to grow in love with you and all your gifts to me,

my brothers and sisters in my hometown and the whole world.

Help me to always look for and see you in all people.

You died so I could live, help me live abundantly and allow

your love to ripple through me and into the world.

Amen